Fused Living

I found my perfect partner – my partner in everything. I’m here to tell you why it’s the best and the scariest thing that could happen to you.

Falling in love

Rollback almost 5 years. We both swiped right. I asked him to get a cup of coffee. Better to see if this Indian curry loving, chess playing, cutie-pie is for real. Boom! We met for a cup of coffee – pink coffee for me – cappuccino for him – it was 2:47pm. We stayed chatting almost till 9pm. It was the cupid striking. Next afternoon, we had already made plans for our next mega long date. The third date, we started living the weekends together in Amsterdam. That was it. Everything just fit for us. 6 weeks later we said I love you. 3 months later he introduced me to his family. 6 months together he asked if I wanted to move in with him. 1 year later – he went down on his knees to ask me to marry him. So much love, togetherness, laughs, snuggles, secret jokes, and travels…

The magic – that you can create

The magic was there for a reason. Both me and my husband went through our share of relationships. We learned from the good and the bad. We both went through phases of loneliness where we did not want to give in being with someone – just so we are not alone. We both had an attitude that it’s far too important to be with the right person – than just any person. This is a luxurious position to be in. A luxury created by a lot of self-work.

Self Work – not to be underestimated

Both me and him meditated. We both worked on our selves and our bodies. We both chose our values and our virtues without letting society or family impact what is right for us. It made us unique – sometimes unknown. That was acceptable to us. It is not easy though. I remember my husband telling me a story about someone who introduced him to a dancer friend. My husband recalled – after 5 minutes I had nothing to talk about with this person – nothing in common. He left the party. Period.

Once you find who you are and love who you are – it is not easy to be around people who don’t get you. Peace comes with people who understand you – they don’t have to be exactly like you. They just need to get you. They are out there.

Waiting game

We met late in life. We didn’t meet when we were 16 or 23. We met after we had both found success in our careers, and developed our taste in movies, books, music, life, lovers, and fun. We were patient. Neither of us got married just for the heck of it. Even when our closest judged us. We had to wait 34+ years to get that. It was hell of a wait. It was totally worth it.

What matches with your other half

The universe rewarded us for that. We both loved physics. We both loved math documentaries. We both liked biking. We both shared love for vegetarian foods & spices. We both loved sharing our passions. We both believed that love & kindness are the most important things in a relationship. We both loved tickles & giggles. We both loved traveling ferociously. We both knew how to travel towards the middle of our being together. We never felt for a second we were compromising, even when we made the biggest changes for each other. Small things and big. We loved bringing smiles to each other’s faces.Most importantly, We both believed that the only real pursuit in life is to continuously improve oneself.

We would love each other forever, no matter what. We hit a jackpot. We would forever remain lucky that we held hands and had the fortune to love each other. Of running into each other in this grand cosmos, sharing this very specific life together.

So how can that be scary?

Well, life is not entirely predictable. One in a million chances, you pull the short straw. If by chance you did. You may lose your partner when you’re still young. You face this predicament of whether life would ever be worth it again. That is a very scary place to be. The unknown. The existence without that warm cocoon of love.

My husband and I cooked, biked, golfed, traveled, read, Netflixed, played piano, walked, crazy-danced, drew, ate, went gymming, slept, and even worked together [same time, same techno, different laptops]. His friends became my friends, my friends became his friends. There was not a single activity we did apart. He held my left hand when I gave blood for my tests because I am scared of needles. So when you lose that love, you also lose half of yourself. All your hobbies. All your interests. When I tell people half of me is dead, I can see an eye-roll sometimes. I understand it. If you have not been through this loss, you will not get it. The first 3 weeks I could not make myself eat. He could not eat the last 2 months of his life, it breaks my heart to this day. Sometimes I cry after I eat. It’s been 4 months, but I can’t make myself cook. I can remember how he used to do his funny-dance when I would make a curry that would take too long. He just wanted me to not be slogging alone in the kitchen. He would DJ and then dance standing behind me. When I go to the kitchen I keep missing him – standing right behind me. I had never really been alone in that kitchen for more than 10 mins – not really.

What does all this mean?

To sum up – true love that curls your toes, makes you feel like you’re on cloud nine while feeling like you are in the safest cocoon of warmth, love, passion and acceptance – EXISTS. You can also find it and create it. It’s a lot of hard work and loads of luck. You can also lose it. It’s also a lot of hard work – rebuilding life.

You just choose what matters to you. What is right for you. There are no universally right or wrong answers. Societies can create a mandate that help propagate certain cultural & economic values. In my experience, they are not in the business of making us happy as human beings. That is our job.

My husband made me promise a long list of things that I need to do – after. Life is meant to be lived. No one lived it with greater passion & integrity than him.

So this post is for the lovers and the dreamers – like us. To give you hope. Beautiful romantic love exists – it does not look like Love Actually – it looks & feels much better. Keep dreaming.